Artist Joan Racardi |
Position Opening-Academic Faculty A top twenty-five business program invites applications for an endowed chair of marketing strategy. We will not consider anyone without a degree in marketing or a related subject such as mechanical engineering. The selected candidate must postulate and assure others that they have found the same truth as marketing strategists in the top twenty-five. Qualifications: 1. Must not return any correspondence with individuals outside the Top Twenty-Five. 2. Must never answer any direct question, but always ask another question. 3. Must be prepared to challenge any attempt at creativity wherever it is detected. 4. Must have an anti-student, anti-corporate, and anti-small business perspective. 5. Must have pity for those business programs out of the top twenty-five (community college business programs are never to be mentioned.) 6. Must never read or quote anything from David Morris. 7. Must encourage everyone to apply through our web page so we can continue to grow our ratio of rejected to accepted students. Our goal is 100 rejections to one acceptance. Major Responsibilities: 1. To develop an academic curriculum that assures that students cannot function as a marketing strategist in any business or corporation. 2. To conduct and publish meaningless and obscure research in recognized top journals. 3. To quote only from top American journals to assure congruency of thought. 4. To link with international corporations to assure their certain failure. (Particularly corporations from the former Soviet Union.) We will review applications until we find the best of our class of individual. Salary and rank are commensurate with level of incompetence, bluster, and ego. Send a letter of application or nominations, along with a vita and five references from members of the Top Twenty-Five Business Schools. We are an equal opportunity employer and encourage diversity in all areas except thought.
David Morris
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