Marketing Research: Efficiency and Effectiveness

We have designed this study to help my family improve their relationships with my friends. This will help me in the selection of future friends and improve my family's service to you. We would appreciate your honest and prompt assessment. Please do not put your name on the form. Mail it back in the enclosed stamped envelope. My family's continued improvement is my personal goal and I am dedicated to their success. If we can improve the family, then we will all benefit. I have selflessly contracted the world famous Marketing Professor, Dr. David Morris to do this study for the very low cost of $250,000. I expect that this study will give me the tools to grow and enhance my image in the larger community and into the new millennium.

Please circle the answer that most closely describes your opinion. If you would like a copy of the results of the study, I will share the findings with you upon completion. You may also write on the back.

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When you call my house for me, is the telephone answered in a prompt, polite, and courteous way?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

When you first came to visit me at my house, were the directions given in a clear and concise manner by family members?
Yes  No  Suggestions______

Is my house conveniently located for you?
Yes  No  Suggestions______

When you drive into my driveway do you notice the statue of me before parking?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Are family members courteous when moving their cars to let you park?
Never  Sometimes Most of the time  Always

Are the grounds well maintained and do they give you a sense of my exceptional landscaping abilities?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Is the exterior of my house (like myself) well kept and maintained?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

When you arrive at my door and ring the bell are you immediately greeted (with a smile) by a family member?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Is my dog as annoying to you as he is to me at this time?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Am I immediately informed that you are visiting by a family member?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

When you are in my house are the family arguments kept at an acceptable level?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Are you offered a chair or place to sit so you can see me when I come down the stairs to greet you?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

How often do you feel you should bring me a present?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Are you offered name brand foods by a family member when I arrive?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Do any of my family members make conversation about me that you prefer not to hear about?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Are there enough electronics in my house for you to appreciate my technological conspicuous consumption?
TVs? Yes No,  Radios? Yes No,  Computers? Yes No,  Cell Phones? Yes No,  Call Forwarding? Yes No,  Video Recorders? Yes No,  E-mail? Yes No,  Internet? Yes No   Suggestions______

Are there enough pictures on the wall and photographs of me?
Yes  No  Suggestions______

Are there enough magazines, videos, newspapers, books, CDS for you to observe how current and up to date I am?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Should the family display all my high grades in school in a prominent location?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Is the temperature in the house correct for the season and conditions for my proper skin and hair maintenance?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

How often do you feel that a family member should give you a tour of my house and property?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

How often do you feel that a family member should talk with you?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time Always

Has your treatment, by any of my family members, affected your opinion of me in any negative way?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

Does the family need to improve my image in any of the following areas? Cars? Yes No,  Clothing? Yes No,  Travel? Yes No,  Sailing? Yes No,  Size of House? Yes No,  Number of Bathrooms? Yes No,  Number of Garages? Yes No,  Number of Fireplaces? Yes No,  Quality of my Education? Yes No,  Size of Pool? Yes No,  Clay and Grass Tennis Courts? Yes No,  Putting Green? Yes No,  Suggestions_______

Upon leaving, do all family members say goodbye to you and thank you for visiting me?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

When driving through town and observing a family member, should they recognize you?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

When I return home are any family members looking out the window for me?
Never  Sometimes  Most of the time  Always

This rich area of research requires much more study and attention by marketing professionals. The preliminary findings of this study are very promising. The chance of a statistical error is plus or minus five. 

David Morris
1998