Painting Dr. David Morris' Father David and Son
Hunter Artist Mother Frances $5000 I am proud to announce again that we have made great progress this last year. Through the hard work and effort of our team we have increased costs and decreased revenues. We now have no competition to worry about. My team and I are delighted to let you all know that last year we committed 30% more employee hours to planning. This was a resounding success and allowed us to bring out our no smoking policy. We also spent 80% more of our time in meetings. This is up by 20% over the previous year. Our new quality program has shown dramatic improvement. I personally have reduced my conversations with large clients by 30%. I have also told 40% more people yes, and never followed up. The number of contacts that complained or asked me a second time is down to .03%. Employee satisfaction has dropped again, from its high of 15%, for the third year in a row. These are phenomenal figures, and we are all proud to bring them to you tonight. We plan to continue the policies that have brought us all such fortune. Next year I plan to compel another 28% of the workforce to retire. We expect to have no direct salary increases. Of course, senior management's benefits will continue according to plan. We will again divide our marketing budget equally among all departments. The success of the no smoking policy shows it to be both effective and efficient. I am happy to announce that we have just started our largest and most expensive marketing study to date. Because of our skilled accounting techniques, we have made this study appear to be done for almost no money. Remember our mission. There is always a political solution to work. I know that as members of the board you are 100 % behind our team's efforts. We could not have done this without your support and guidance. We expect that this organization will continue to make news and history in the future. In our next meeting, we will discuss ways to separate those who think bad thoughts about our accomplishments. I have offered a one thousand dollar incentive to anyone who reports those whose thoughts are not with us. We must not allow the many to ruin the few. Let us all now adjourn to the banquet and enjoy the evening. God bless you for another year of a job well done.
David Morris |
